The day had cum. You can't have a BubbaLympics without the Torch Cerimony and we wuz ready for ours. We tried to get Paul Hogan to finish the torch litin' cerimoney, but at the last minit he had to drop out. Hear tell he 'cepted anothr o' them Oscars . So Lester, you can alwaz count on Lester, said he would lite the BubbaLympic Eturnal Flame. Lester wuz as "Serioz as a funeral home full o' widder women whar a man done died." Lester wuz agonna lite that torch ! Seein how big and otta shape Lester wuz there wuz a problem. Ole Lester got to huffin an puffin so hard he kept on blowin it out. Lester had ta stop to lite the torch ever 50 feet or so. While everbody wuz waitin' on Lester, sum of them gud ol' boys kept dumpin' gas on the propane kettle. Nobody wanted ta see that thar Eturnal Flame go out. And as you might 'magine thar's no shortage of gas with evurbody's xtra gas cans on them pickem up trucks. But gas wuzn't the only liquid aflowin' at the cerimoney. Sume o' them Bubba's wuz gettin' ready fur the keg toss, an with them new rulz you haf ta empty them kegs befur the "Toss" begins. And thar's whar the problem started. I'm a guessin' thar wuz too much fuel on the far. As Lester was on the last leg befur litin' the Eturnal Flame .. he colapsed.

Seein' ol' Lester with his face in the weeds an' that torch about to burn out, lil' B.J. run up an' grabbed that torch an' started runnin' towards the BubbaLympic Eturnal Flame. Lil' B.J. (that's my yungun .. lil Bubba Junior) wuz all fared up, "He wuz as happy a a pup with two petters!" And with a big ol' roar .. the Eturnal Flame wuz lit. Just as lil' B.J. touched that torch to the flame, a couple of them Bubbas wuz dumpin' the last of their gas onto the Propane Kettle and that's how it happened. Them BUBBAS VANISHED ! When the smoke cleared they wuz gone .. "Lost as last year's Eastur Egg." Wowee Zowee ! Whut would we tell the law ?

Now, were not sure mind ya, but we'ens don't know what rightly happened to 'em fellers. Sum of the good folk down at the trailer park said they thought they mighta seen them ole boys "take flight". You might say them Bubbas had become .. ETURNAL .. Lordy, Lordy ! Now I know how that Eturnal Flame got it's name. Without figurin' we ended up feeding the whole gatherin'. Just as lil' B.J. lit the flame the Baptist Pastur let go a bunch of doves he collected at the church and when the flames died down, thar wuz barbequed "bird" everywhar ! Tasty, too ! WooWee .. that waz the damndest thag I 'd seen since the Sydney Harbour, and its damned in about 40 places. Now, 'bout them boys, the Sheruff ain't shur what to do or who to arrest, he's so confused, he don't know whether to scratch his watch, or wind his butt. Why Hell, we don't evun know who it mighta been. I'll guess we'll just have to wait to see if some of them Bubbettes git to missin thar man. I gotta a clue tho 'bout who one of might be. Aftur the Cerimony thar wuz this one Bubbette who cum up to me sayin' this wuz, " The bestinest time she'd had since seein' the horny monkeys at the zoo." .. and it changed her life .. for evur. Well I guess I'll hafta go along with her. This wuz the best time we 'ens seen in these here parts .. ever !

Well, I gotta go now. We gotta get ready fur the games. Tharz gonna be Aluminium Pumpin', the Keg Toss, 'Roo Huntin', Scrubbashin', Pig Tippin', an more .. fur the Bubbettes we gonna hav the Nolene Donaher Great Makeup Take Off and fur the younguns we'll have a "itty bitty Gran Prix go-cart derby". Now if you'ens got any idears or want to be given us some rulz, send me a b-mail. I'll be athankin' ya' now !

Let the games begin !